Mega Mall Tribulations
Lawndale High October 28th, 10:24 AM
“In Economics, we call this flow,” Mrs. Diane Bennett
said. “We have a scenario of supply and demand, where a new demand is created
by a previous supply. Does everyone follow?” She paused, waiting for the class
to answer. “Can anyone give me a concrete representation of this abstract
theory?” She paused, again before calling on the new student, “Daria.”
‘Why is she calling on me?’ Daria wondered. She sighed
and said. “Concrete? Then I’ll go with the mall, the repository of greed in
today’s consumerist culture.”
“Very good, Daria. The mall is a very beautiful
illustration of all these economic principles. In fact, it would make for an excellent
field trip,” Mrs. Bennett said.
‘Field trip!’ Daria thought with slight panic.
“All right! Field trip!” Kevin said. He leaned over to
Daria. “Where are we going, man?”
Daria looked down and didn’t answer the quarterback.
“Daria?” Kevin asked.
“We'll visit that brand new Mall of the Millennium. It's
a perfect emblem of a modern day economic structure.”
Daria shook her head. She didn’t like that idea at all.
She had enough trouble with a normal mall when she had to go to one.
“What’s wrong, Daria? It’s your idea, and it’s perfect,”
Mrs. Bennet.
“I second Daria,” Jodie Landon said. “The mall can be
dangerous influence on today's teens, and the crowds can be intimidating to
those who are introverts.”
“We'll take a vote. All in favor of a class trip to the
mall next Friday instead of our usual surprise quiz?”
Most of the class raised their hands.
“Those opposed,” Bennett asked.
Daria, Jodie and a girl wearing a paint splattered red
sweater raised their hands.
“This is great! Kevin and I love going to the mall during
school,” Brittany said.
Mrs. Bennett frowned.
“I mean, between classes. I mean... what do I mean, babe?”
Brittany added.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Bennet,” Daria said. “I can’t go to the
Mall. I get anxious around large groups of people.”
“But you’re with a large group of people right now.”
“And I’m anxious every morning when I see the crowd in
front of the school.”
A Lawndale High Bus on State Route 30, 4 to 5 miles
out of Lawndale, October 26, 9:32 AM
Daria was already queasy. Brittany had noticed and was
trying to comfort her. “Thanks Brittany.”
“I remember what happened at the party,” Brittany said.
“It’s not that this time. I’m carsick.”
“Ooh!” Brittany responded. “But you can come to me for
help if it happens again.”
“Thanks, Brittany.”
Mall of the Millennium Parking Lot, 11:18 AM
Daria wasn’t sure why they had to take another method of
public transportation to get into the Mall of the Millennium. After that rather
bumpy bus ride, she was quite nauseous. She threw up as the tram started
moving. “Welcome to the Mall of the Millennium,” Brittany said, while rubbing
her back.
Daria thanked Brittany again, but the cheerleader was
distracted as Kevin did something stupid. She sighed.
Somewhere in the Mall of the Millennium, 11:33 AM
“Everyone, we'll walk down R Moss, and turn right at Q
Canary. Please keep the flow, people, please keep the flow,” Mrs. Bennet said
as she tried to direct the class.
“Look, Mack Daddy! The Sports Shorts! A whole store full
of shorts for sports!” Kevin said.
“Uh-huh,” Mack said, too tired from the bus trip to rebut
the use of that nickname.
“Everyone, we'll walk down R Moss, and turn right at Q
Canary. Please keep the flow, people, please keep the flow,” Mrs. Bennett said.
“Who would ever guess there'd be so many colors? The
person who thought them all up must be a genius,” Brittany said.
“Yeah, and we haven’t even got to puke green yet,” Jane
Lane said.
Daria glared at the artist briefly from where she stood
behind Brittany, before turning away.
“Left at N Cranberry,” Mrs. Bennett said. She was
concerned. “Wait, is that cranberry or magenta? Jane, you're an artist.”
“It’s Cranapple,” Jane supplied.
“Mrs. B? Can we please stop for a minute at Bikini
Island? I'd like to buy a few trifles for the ladies, and perhaps you'd care to
pick out something for yourself?” Charles Ruttheimer asked.
“Not now, Charles!” the teacher admonished. “We'll be
late for our meeting with the mall executives. I had to work very hard to
arrange this. These are very important, very busy...” She was then distracted
as she noticed… “Fuzzy Wuzzy Wee Bits!” She then went on about how she and her
husband were avid collectors of Fuzzy Wuzzy Wee Bits!
‘Of course!’ Daria thought. Maybe now they had to deal
with rather annoyed Mall executives.
However, Mrs. Bennett snapped out of her reverie and they
were soon on their way.
Daria was certain of one thing. They were being used.
Mrs. Bennett had signed up the class as unwitting pawns in market research.
“And of course, when you go to the mall, you look for
what?” one of the executives asked.
“Bikinis! Make that lovely, luscious, ladies in bikinis!”
Charles proclaimed.
“Yeah,” Kevin agreed.
Brittany elbowed him in his back.
“Ow!”
“Feisty!”
“I always look for security guards leading away someone
in handcuffs. Shoplifters are the best judges of merchandise,” Jane said.
‘Was that cynicism?’ Daria wondered.
“I meant more along the line of the qualities you look
for? The stores? What should they be like?” another of the executives asked.
Daria saw that Brittany wasn’t paying attention, but was
examining herself in the mirror. ‘I bet that’s a two way,’ she thought, hoping
that the helpful cheerleader wasn’t being ogled.
“What?” the first executive asked upon seeing this.
“What?” Brittany asked, after hearing the executive.
“I have a question,” Jodie said. “Do you think our
demographic can really be addressed by middle-aged middle managers telling us
what's fun to buy?”
The executives were then at a loss for words. One of them
turned to Daria. “How about you? How many times a year do you go to the mall?”
“Not often,” she answered before she ducked behind
Brittany.
Brittany turned and whispered in her ear. “Did you want
to say something else?”
Daria got out a notebook and wrote something quickly. She
handed the sheet to Brittany, and backed off.
“Sure,” Brittany said as she twirled her hair. She turned
back to the executive. “Don't people usually get paid for participating in
market research?”
“Research?” the executive asked in a strangled voice.
Daria did have a point, Brittany considered after she had
read her written question.
“Now, Brittany, these busy executives have been nice
enough to give their time to help educate us on mall economics,” Mrs. Bennett
said. “Tell us about flow, would you?” she asked one of the executives.
“OK,” one of the other executives said. He began talking
about flow, in words more obtuse than Mrs. Bennett used.
As the executive talked on, Jodie realised that Daria
(given that she had seen her give Brittany a piece of paper) was right. She
then went over to switch the light off. There was a collective gasp from the
class.
“The focus group is, um, a very important tool in mall
management. We thought that with this live demonstration...” one of the
executives fumbled.
“I feel used. I feel abused. I feel that this is not a
fun mall after all and the media should be made aware of it,” Jodie said.
“All right, little lady,” the first executive said,
taking something out of his pocket. “Here's a coupon for a free frozen yogurt.”
“Don’t insult me!”
The executive took out something else. “Make it a ten-dollar
merchandise coupon?”
“You're still insulting her,” Jane spoke up.
“Make it a twenty dollar coupon for everyone in the
class.”
‘That will do,’ Jodie thought. She didn’t want to rock
the boat too much. Daria looked disappointed but took her coupon without a
verbal complaint.
The class was soon out in a corridor again. They looked
at the coupons they had been given.
“Books by the Ton. ‘The country’s biggest bookstore’? Oh
Man!” Kevin complained.
“The Sports Shorts?” Upchuck asked.
“Aw man!” Kevin complained again.
“Scissor Wizard,” Jane considered. “I can actually use a
new pair of scissors.”
Daria looked at the coupon she got. “Cuter Computer. I
suppose I could get a game or two.”
“Doo Dad?” Brittany asked. “What’s that?”
Mrs. Bennet gave out assignments to the students. “Daria
and Andrea, you’ll observe traffic patterns at the food concessions, and Kevin
and Brittany, you will study and report back on shrinkage.”
“What’s shrinkage?” Kevin asked.
“Shrinkage is the retailing term for shoplifting. I'd
like you to analyze its economic impact. Does everyone else understand their
assignments?”
She reminded them to meet back at that area at 2:45.
After some confusion caused by Kevin ineffectually coming up with a mnemonic
device she implored the class to write it down.
Andrea looked at Daria as the class scattered. “Traffic
patterns at the food concessions. Sounds good,” she said.
“Let’s go,” Daria murmured.
The two of the then walked along awkwardly. ‘It’s like
she doesn’t want to get to know me,’ Andrea thought. She wasn’t sure what to
make of that.
Elsewhere. Daria’s sister, Quinn and her friends had
skipped school, and were looking for ‘unfashionable’ people to make over.
Stacy Rowe noticed a couple of girls who’d be perfect.
“Wow, you’re right. They need help,” Tiffany Blum-Deckler
responded.
“Especially the one on the left. She really needs
volumizer. And maybe some subtle streaks,” Quinn said.
“And a little skort set,” Sandi Griffin added. “Have you
seen the new skorts? Really cute.”
“Is it a skirt or is it shorts? I love that,” Stacy said.
“I wonder if they make skorts for sports!” Tiffany said.
Quinn tapped one of the girls on her shoulder. She turned
around. “Ah!” Quinn let out. It was Daria.
“Good to see you, too,” Daria murmured upon seeing Quinn.
“Well. What an unexpected opportunity for sibling bonding.”
“I’m going to be sick,” Quinn said.
“Is that a family thing?” Andrea asked.
Quinn turned back to the her friends “Just one sec, guys.
I'm interviewing our first makeover candidate.”
She turned back to the Daria and the Goth girl. “I’m sure
your parents would have something to say about this,” the latter said.
“You wouldn’t!” Quinn said to Daria.
“I would!” Daria said. “But I won’t if you do most of my
chores for the next month.”
“A month?” Quinn asked.
“Maybe some of her allowance,” Andrea suggested.
“I don’t need it. Besides a ride home would be better
than taking the bus back,” Daria said to Andrea.
Andrea nodded. “I saw Brittany helping you earlier.”
There was something about the way she said the
cheerleader’s name, but Daria decided that it was definitely not her business.
“Why should I?” Quinn asked.
“Otherwise you wouldn’t spend any time in a mall for the
rest of your sorry adolescent life?” Daria responded.
“Fine! Meet us in an hour on level five, area D, section
Lavender.”
“D Lavender Five,” Daria said as she wrote it down.
“Time for lunch?”
Andrea asked as the Fashion Club walked away,
“Yes. I’m rather sure I puked up breakfast,” Daria
considered. “I’ll need a favor,” she murmured.
“I’ll tell Mrs. Bennett what you’re doing.”
“Not only her.”
“I’m not talking to Brittany!” Andrea said. ‘No way!’ she thought. It would be too
awkward. It still hurt that they had drifted apart as friends.
“You don’t have to tell her directly,” Daria suggested.
“I guess so,” Andrea murmured.
Jane found Scissor Wizard and found that it was a hair
salon. ‘Of course,’ she thought.
“You got here in time,” one of the hairdressers said.
“I've got this coupon,” Jane responded. “But I just
wanted a pair of scissors,” she added as the hairdresser lead her to a chair.
“We don't sell scissors, we cut hair,” the hairdresser
pointed out. “What show?”
“What?” Jane asked in confusion.
“Which TV show do you want your style from? Most of our
clients go for a sitcom. Although, you're more the ‘movie of the week’ type. I
have a TV Guide if you want to browse.”
“Have you ever seen Sick Sad World?”
“No.”
“Too bad,” Jane said.
“Any other shows?”
“None that are considered mainstream.”
The hairdresser sighed, then said. “Listen, maybe you
should come another time. My next appointment is here.”
“What about my coupon?” Jane asked.
“I’ll buy it off you.”
“Sure.”
Daria and Andrea found the Doo Dad shop and saw Kevin and
Brittany come out of the store. “You can tell her yourself!” Andrea said.
“Sure.”
“Did you see the cute little thingy with the cute thingy?”
Brittany asked Kevin.
“I got it for you, Babe.”
“Oh, Kev, this is the first cute thingy that you've
bought me since...” she realised something. “Wait, you didn’t steal this, did
you?”
“It was Shrinkage, Babe.”
Daria waited while Kevin was dragged back into the store
by his girlfriend.
“Daria?” Brittany asked after she emerged from the Doo
Dad shop a second time. She could see Andrea in the distance looking at a
different shop.
“I wanted to say that I’ve found another way home, so I
won’t endure carsickness on the bus,” Daria said.
“Oh! Who is it?”
“My sister and her friends.”
After Brittany and Kevin had gone off, Daria and Andrea
entered the Doo Dad Shop.
Suddenly, the staff surrounded Andrea. “When your feeling
bad or mad or sad, buy a doo dad! You'll feel glad! It's not too sad, to buy a
doo dad, today!”
“What are you doing to me?” Andrea asked.
“You're our lucky ten-thousandth customer. All these doo
dads are yours for free!” the store manager said as he placed a pile of Doo
Dads in her arms.
“I don’t want this stuff!” Andrea protested.
“Neither do I.” Daria said. She made herself scarce.
Andrea dumped the load of Doo Dads on the Manager’s feet
and ran out of the store before they could take a photograph.
Glen Oaks Lane, Lawndale; 4:21 PM
The car driven by the hapless boy the Fashion Club had
recruited pulled into the Morgendorffers’ driveway.
Daria and Andrea got out first, followed by Quinn, who
took the stuff she had bought out of the trunk. “Thanks Guy,” she said.
Daria turned to Andrea as the car drove away and Quinn opened
the front door. “I’ll see you around.”
“Same here.”
